Presidential Conventions 2016- Drugs, Strippers and Fire Trucks Oh My!

It’s easy to say that right now in 2014, both the Republican National Committee & Democratic National Committee conventions are homeless and many cities mentioned as targets, well many are shrugging their shoulders with very little delight of wanting to host

It’s absolutely mind-numbing reading about which city is on which list and which of those cities does & does not want to be involved in the 2016 convention race. Many of the "hopeful" cities cite “funding” as being the main issue for declining and criteria being second; hotels, transportation, airport, prostitution/strippers, drugs and alcohol must reach a premium to the liking of delegates.


Oh come on, you don’t believe that “P/S, D & A” aren’t a major issue concerning “host” cities?

Sex is big at these conventions or did everyone forget the Rob Lowe 1989 RNC Convention sex tape?

These conventions have become a week long sales pitch for the Party and their agenda because by the time the convention begins, the candidate has already been chosen. Well ok, not chosen just the last one standing with enough money to go from Primary campaign to Presidential campaign.

As RNC head honcho Reince Priebus told Daily Caller's Alexis Pappas, “We have to make sure that we put on a convention that gives our nominee a bump. That to me is the No. 1 purpose of having a convention.” A post convention bump helps navigate the candidates heading into the exciting & electrifying presidential debates.



Honestly, these debates should be produced by the Vinnie Mac and the WWE because who wouldn't wanna see a "Hell in the Cell Presidential Debate?"

However, the past 2 convention cycles, the candidates only received modest bumps. Yes, in 2008 John McCain received a huge post-convention bump, yet that bump was created by the allure of the “Who the hell is that?” Vice President running mate selection of Sarah Palin and after a week the shine dulled.

And strike the notion that the host city helps the candidate win the State as in 2012, the DNC pitched their tents in Charlotte and Obama lost by 97000+ votes and while the RNC held their convention in Tampa a few weeks prior, Romney lost 73000+.

AS I said, these conventions are less about the candidates and more about, well, partying. According to Asawin Suesbsaeng of Mother Jones, Tampa was expecting 50,000 people to attend the RNC Convention with only 35,000 heading to Charlotte, of which 37.5% (close to 31,000)of attendees had press credentials. So how does one keep 54,000 delegates happy? Alcohol, drugs and strippers.

When a national convention comes to town, strippers countrywide travel to the host city to make large amounts of money dressed in their most patriotic G-strings.

Per a Huffpost article from Aug 2012, the Association of Club Executives (representing 4,000 strip clubs) when a national convention comes to town, Republicans outspend Democrats three-to-one, plunking down an average $150 per person compared to $50 for Democrats.

One Tampa strip club scheduled porn star Lisa Ann, best known for her porn portrayal as "Serra Paylin."

And yes, Charlotte's strip scene cleaned up and added venues, however Charlotte's used to big crowds especially when NASCAR thunders into town.

It's rather ironic that in 2008, DNC convention host Denver passed an ordinance that discouraged local authorities from “arresting, detaining or issuing a citation” to any adult caught with up to one ounce of marijuana during the four-day convention.

And skip forward to Charlotte 2012, when the Republican led North Carolina state legislature amended their blue laws to allow alcohol sales on Sunday for the DNC convention. See, compromise can happen.

Within the next month or so, both parties will draft their 2016 convention home, interesting enough, Cleveland and Columbus, Ohio are on both boards. Why not, since Ohio has been the biggest headache for both parties over the past 3 Presidential elections.

Being the "yinzer" that I am, I'm hoping that the DNC takes Pittsburgh off the list, as we do not want a bunch of politicians and delegates hanging around during our most coveted annual convention, the Furries, err I mean "Anthrocon."

Then again, how much would a strippin' "Furry" make during a national convention?


That's it, Slap the Tap on a cold Apocalypse Cow, pay your political tab and leave the buffet open for Chris Christie's acceptance speech.

Cheers!