Wednesday, August 21, 2013

How The Platypus Can Save The 2016 Presidential Campaign

Oh what sweet hell is this?

A political party has decided to vote against the media exposure of their 2016 primary season, to which is 3 years away, due to their involvement to 2 different bio-pics of a person who has yet to even announce their intention of a possible presidential campaign for an election that is over 3 ½ years away.

Someone’s been hitting the fantasy bottle a little too early haven’t they?

OK, so of course I’m talking about Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus squawking the past few weeks about MSNBC and CNN’s involvement in 2 bio-pics of Hillary Rodham Clinton. A person who has already been anointed as the Democratic challenger for the 2016 Presidential campaign that has yet to even announce her candidacy.

Hm, maybe if Chairman Priebus hit the bottle he wouldn’t slur his words and make sense.

It’s absolutely hilarious that the RBC is of single-thought and focusing all their talking points against Clinton to an election that’s 3 ½ years away. It would be even funnier if all the wasted time on her is for not and she says “nope I gotta keep an eye on Billy boy.”

But low and behold, the RNC voted last Friday to stick it to MSNBC and CNN by unanimous vote and will block them from the Party primaries.

Thank the maker, as I was worried about possibly missing an episode of “America’s Got Talent” or whatever they broadcast on CNN as entertainment.

Priebus is so busy blaming these bio-pics as an unfair advantage towards their candidates, yet fails to comprehend that “it’s not the primary coverage that’s at issue with the GOP, it’s their candidates” as Business Insider’s David Swerdlick happily pointed out.

Of the cast of characters that ran in 2012, only Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum were worth the 20+ primary debates scheduled. The rest had no reason to be there, if not to further their political persona in book deals or lame TV/radio shows.

However, when it comes to the 2016 campaigns, without doubt, both the Democratic and Republican candidates will be a cast of characters, with a higher entertainment value than that of any Reality TV show featuring Duck Decoys or Has-Been Music stars.

Yes, it’s easy to blame the moderators for the failure of the candidates’ performance, but as many forget, the parties agree (!) to who moderates what and when. They can only blame themselves and if that happened, well the Apocalypse is near.

So I present the “Platypus Effect” to help the candidates, the parties and overall ratings.

To paraphrase Robin Williams, “You think God was stoned when he created the Platypus? (Take a huge bong hit) OK let’s take a beaver, slap on a duck’s bill and let it lay eggs! Screw you Darwin”

So the body of this political platypus starts with the Primaries by limiting their existence to just 6 debates for each, using only 6 of the most Conservative and Liberal “Media” Journalists one can find and only let these 6 moderate.

It’s already been rumored that the RNC was hinting at having Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Mark Levin play moderator too which Limbaugh mockingly answered that he was too famous to do such a stint.

Or was that stunt?

But the slap of the political platypus’ bill comes in the form that the opposition shall moderate the others debate.

So basically at the first DNC primary, the candidates of Hillary Clinton, Sen. Mark Warner, VP Joe Biden and Sec John Kerry could be standing in front of Ann Coulter, Paul Gigot and Nick Gillespie.

Or at the first RNC primary, the candidates of Gov. Chris Christie, Sen. Rand Paul, Sen. Marco Rubio and Rick Santorum could be standing in front of Ed Shultz, Ezra Klein, and Fred Hiatt.

Sounds fair and yes, you have to have at least 2 characters amongst the lot just for entertainment value, hence the choice of Coulter and Shultz.

Once the primaries are over and those that conceded their campaigns for lucrative book deals or quick short term contract with the Media networks, we shall be left with 2 contenders. Not chosen by you, that would be ludicrous; no everyone knows the Media chooses the victors.

Now comes the egg laying part by the political platypus as 2 new moderators, one Liberal and one Conservative appear before us for 3 wonderful over-bloated Presidential debates.

Yes the chosen ones shall have to face that of………………. Bill O’Reilly and Jon Stewart.

Now that’s a golden platypus egg worth millions.

That’s it, special thanks to the good people of Sam Adams for quenching my Summer Ale thirst, pass the salty nuts and pay your political tab


Saturday, August 17, 2013

Summer vacation is over

Summer vacation is over.. OK so it's been since Tax Day 2013 since my last blog. But it's time to re-open the Big Poppa Politics